Because I'm an Idiot Too

I did something outrageously stupid last Thursday. I hit a fence with my truck. No, it's not as hard to do as one might think. My idiot neighbor thought it would be a good idea to put up a fence to separate our alley access driveways. It's probably a miracle I made it as long as I did (a month) without hitting it. Because I'm an upstanding citizen, I decided to send my neighbor a formal apology...

Dear New Neighbor,

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for hitting your appealing (read: hideous eye-sore) chain-link fence. I'm sure it was very troublesome to have past tenants park 3cm over the boundary and onto your slab of concrete. That must have been hard for you, seeing as how you only have a double wide driveway to park your solitary vehicle. I'm so pleased that you installed this practical (read: useless) fence long before I moved in because I would have hated to accidentally invade your space. I noticed that your privacy is very important to you, made evident by the eight "NO TRESPASSING, PRIVATE PROPERTY!" signs you have scattered about your 100 sq ft of property, and so I apologize for having to come to the door and explain to you that I'd just folded your fence in half with my over-sized vehicle. I would, however, like to offer you a small piece of neighborly advice. If you're trying to protect your private property, I would suggest you get something a little more threatening than the Reign of Terror you currently have protecting your home. I also want you to know that I am not at all upset about the damage my truck suffered when your fence (read: bane of my existence) attacked me. In fact, I consider it a worthy and just punishment for attempting to park in my own driveway. I'm really glad that you've decided to repair the fence. I can't even imagine how I'd go on if you did the sensible thing and just took it down.

Can't wait for the bill!

Bridget

In other news...I now have a roommate! Yay! No more living alone! Hurrah!

Her name is Penelope Jones. We get along pretty well, but I suspect she does drugs. For one, she has severe mood swings which generally result in temper tantrums involving a rain shower of wood shavings all over my floor. She also tends to exert random bursts of energy which result in her running circles in her room and twitching compulsively. I usually just try not to talk to her when this is occurring. It's usually best that way.

Warning: Bitchy rant to ensue.

I'm not sure if everyone is aware about how this blog operates, so let me just go over some ground rules. It's actually not a call in and request kind of thing. You do not pay me to write, therefore I'll post whatever I darn well please. Recipe requests and all.

Recipes

Hey kids! I've decided to take up cooking/baking. This is my current attempt to fend off the boredom which naturally accompanies living by oneself in a strange yooper town.

POST SOME RECIPES!

P.S. I don't eat fish...or anything else one might find swimming and/or crawling through the water.

P.P.S. I love desserts.

ALSO
I have internet now! And cable!

Ridiculous

Hmmmmmmmmm.

I haven't posted in a ridiculously long time.

I am sorry.

Update time!

I've moved from Manistique, MI to Escanaba, MI so now I only have to drive 5 minutes to get to work! UPGRADE!

I live alone. Downgrade! (I miss you Auna)

I had my first house guest this weekend! Thanks Rachael! UPGRADE!

I have no internet...again. (Since the last post I had finally obtained internet in Manistique, but now that I've moved again...no internet) Downgrade.

I'm a celebrity in Escanaba. These jokers put me on their local channel and asked me a bunch of
questions about athletic injuries. Bridget in front of live t.v. camera = blank stare/awkward as all get out. Major downgrade.

Random comments:

I'm sitting in the Escanaba library right now and there's a potted tree next to me wrapped with Christmas lights. It is March. Sitting in the tree is a fake bird, and if I'm not mistaken it is made up predominately of toilet paper. Why?

I have never met they guy who lives downstairs, but as of my first day of living there I began to refer to him as The Yahoo due to his poor parking decisions. I'm not a nice person.

Last week I excitedly pulled my Jade Garden leftovers out of the fridge and arranged them on a plate. I turned to put it in the microwave only to realize I don't have a microwave. IDIOT.

There's an ice shanty attached to my front door. It's bright green. (yes an ice shanty, as in a shed one fishes in).

My ice shanty prevented me from moving my couch in. I had to shove it through the kitchen window. I live on the second floor. Figure that one out.

I have snowshoe buddies at work. YAY!

Well my lap top is about to run out of batteries.

No Internet

Day 16 of no internet in new apartment.

Things are very bleak indeed.

Will not survive much longer.

Living in small yooper town.

Everyone always watching me.

Creeped out.

Please send...cookies.

On the plus side! The new job is going well, and my coworkers are super nice. Our apartment is all decorated and now actually looks as though it is occupied (sorry Auna, but it didn't even look like you were living there). I have bunches of stories to blog about, but seeing as I still have no internet, and my time here at the library is limited, you'll just have to wait.

Miss you all back home!

Documented Strangeness

I got a digital camera for Christmas! Which will naturally lead to pointless blogging, like this one...

DOCUMENTING STRANGE

Exhibit A

Name: Carl St. Jude AKA Creature (yes his middle name is St. Jude)

Species: Pug AKA Rancor

Activities: Sleeping, eating, itching, creating foul smells

Documented strangeness: It has snowed here quite a bit in the last few days. The snow is high enough that Carl cannot walk through the backyard, as a real dog with long legs would be able to do. Instead, my father has had to shovel walkways for him. I find this strange.

Exhibit B

Name: Moses AKA Demon Kitty

Species: Cat AKA Evil

Activities: Sleeping, eating, tripping, biting, invading privacy, box dwelling

Documented strangeness: Moses enjoys spending time in empty boxes, which is actually very counter productive to my attempt to pack. Once inside a box, he finds it necessary to eat his way through the cardboard to escape, rather than just hop back out through the open flaps. I find this strange.

Part 3, Chapter 1

God has created me to do Him some definite service; He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission--I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next.

I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good, I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place while not intending it--if I do but keep His Commandments.

Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever, wherever I am. I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him; in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him; if I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends, He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me--still He knows what He is about.

~A Meditation by Cardinal Newman

The time for worrying is over, as it is unnecessary. Life will always go on, just as God intended it to. It is time for me to trust in the One who holds my future in His hands. And so begins what I like to call...Part 3, Chapter 1.

Minimal Progress

In an effort to join the adult masses, I have decided the first thing I need to do is get on an adult sleeping schedule. I have decided I will no longer sleep until ten o'clock because such a sleeping schedule will not coexist with a fancy adult job. Unfortunately, this goal has not yet been achieved. I keep accidentally oversleeping. I say accidentally in italics because some individuals (Kenric) question the validity of that statement. For the record, yes it is purely accidental that I hit the snooze button nine times before I get out of bed. How is that even close to being my fault? I also cannot help that I am in an altered state of mind when I wake up in the morning, and I forget that I am supposed to be adhering to a strict adult schedule. Also not my fault. In conclusion, my adult becoming progress is at a current minimal state.

Adults

Last night I was driving my younger cousins home from my grandma's house. My little cousin Nick, who's probably around 10 years old (Aunt Maggie?) asked me where I was going to school. I informed him that I had graduated, and being the smart little guy he is, he said, "But where are you going to grad school?" I told him that I wasn't going to grad school anymore because it wasn't for me. He then said to me, in a very matter of fact way, "Oh, so you're an adult now."

I couldn't help but laugh out loud. All I could say was, "Well...not exactly."

Which got me to thinking...maybe I am, or more appropriately put, maybe I should be.

Man, do I have a lot of work to do.

Coworkers

4:15pm Beginning of work shift
Coworker A: You would not believe what just happened.
Coworker B: What?
Inner Bridget: What?
CA: I just asked the hostesses if they had a crack rock for me, and they just stared at me.
CB: Ugh. Stupid hostesses.
Inner Bridget: A what?!
CA: I need a pick me up before my shift, and they're all holding out on me.
CB: That is so like them.
Inner Bridget: Is she joking?
CA: How do they expect me to get through this shift.
Inner Bridget: Probably the same way I do.
CB: I don't know. It's going to be rough.

6:36pm
Coworker #1: Is that a picture of your man?!
Coworker #2: Yes.
C 1: Girl! Let me see him!
C 2: *handing over picture and looking disgusted* He's such a jerk.
Inner Bridget: Why are you dating him?
C1: Really?
C2: Yes, he lies to me all the time, and he's so mean to me. I think I'm going to dump him.
Inner Bridget: Probably best.
C1: Well, do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him.
C2: Yes.
Inner Bridget: What?!
C1: Then sometimes you just have to take the good with the bad.
C2: Yeah, I think you're right.
Inner Bridget: What just happened here?

8:24pm
Coworker: I wasn't smoking before I met my boyfriend.
Bridget: No?
Coworker: No. But you know he's got a 3 ft glass bong and what was I supposed to do?
Inner Bridget: ...and she's not talking about cigarettes
Bridget: Oh.
Coworker: So I had to take advantage of it.
Bridget: Uh....OH! My order's up!
Inner Bridget: hmmmmmmm

Planning for the Future

Hey kids, listen up while your good pal Bridget gives you a few lessons on life.

Lesson Number 1
When your mom gives you lunch money for school, pocket it. You do not need that crappy cafeteria food anyways. Hang on to it, I'll tell you why in a minute.

Lesson Number 2
When you are in the checkout line at Target, fixate your gaze on the register. Do not, I repeat, do not look at the shelves full of candy, or take a quick peak at the little cooler full of pop. You do not need either. Hang on to that money, I'll tell you why in a minute.

Lesson Number 3
So you like Slurpee's do you? You think 711 is a fun place to go? You like getting the biggest size possible and putting in every flavor available (except coke)? No. You don't need that either. Hang on to that money, I'll tell you why in a minute.

Lesson Number 4
Oh! You'd like to pick the most expensive university you can find to go away to (ehm Johnny)? BAD IDEA! A college degree is a college degree. Yes, you WILL mind if you are $80,000 in debt when you graduate. Instead, pick a cheap school with a decent reputation (this is possible) and you'll save some money. Hang on to that money, I'll tell you why in a minute.

Lesson Number 5
Do not take trips to exotic places. This is unnecessary. Fill up a kiddy pool in your backyard and knock yourself out. Hang on to that vacation money and instead, work when you can. I'll tell you why in a minute.

Lesson Number 6
Do not drive 86 mph through Wisconsin, especially if you have an IL license plate. You will be pulled over, they won't be nice, and you will get a ticket. This ticket will cost upwards of $200. Instead, hang on to that money, I'll tell you why in a minute.

Lesson Number 7
If you think having a nice over sized truck is a good idea, you're wrong (even if it is beautiful and spacious). It guzzles gas and probably will have a million things go wrong on it. Buy something small with good fuel efficiency. Hang on to that gas money, I'll tell you why in a minute.

Lesson Number 8
Music is nice. Did you know you can listen to it for free by turning on a radio? Stop buy Cd's, and music offline. Also, don't download it illegally, it could catch up with you and then you'll probably end up spending way more money. Instead, hang on to that money, I'll tell you why in a minute.

Lesson Number 9
While you're in college do something productive like invent a teleport. This way you will already be cashing in on your patent, and you'll be reducing all transportation costs.

Lesson Number 10
Do not go out to the movies. This will cost you a ridiculous amount of money. Not only will you pay $7.50 to get in, but you will inevitably fall victim to the concessions. They are very clever there and have exactly what you think you want/need. Instead, hang on to that money I'll tell you why...now.

Why:
One day you will graduate from college. While you were in college you built up a nice little thing called debt, probably in the form of student loans. If this did not happen to you, I don't want to hear about it. For the rest of us...all those loans that we never gave much thought to actually do need to be paid back. Oh and that little 6 month grace period goes by very quickly, so don't even bank on that business. While you are waiting to get a big kid job because apparently the four year degree that you earned and that nice high GPA that you worked so hard for don't mean anything unless you validate it by passing a certification exam (ok, this part probably only applies to a select few of us...athletic training majors!), you are going to need some other form of income. In fact, you are going to need a very fast form of income. Most of these inbetween jobs you can get don't actually pay enough to support you if you'd like to live on your own, make car payments, pay for health insurance, pay for car insurance, and make payments on your student loans. This creates an unpleasant situation.

Hypothetically...
You might decide to become a waitress. You might be horrible at it. This may be because you are a nerdy bookworm and should not be allowed to interact with tables full of customers ("guests"). You might spill drinks on people. You might forget to bring out an appetizer...or five. You might be forced to head to work everyday in a men's shirt and tie, with an apron wrapped around your waist. You might feel ridiculous shouting "I'm in the weeds" and so you might not get any extra help when you're in over your head. You might start to care a little bit less about "100 percent guest delight." This might get you into trouble quickly.

To avoid this awful pitful, and to ensure that when you graduate you can live comfortably until you find a good job...STOP WASTING YOUR MONEY! Oh, and make sure you pick a major that doesn't require you jumping through five extra hoops just to get a job.

P.S. Happy Anniversary Aimee and Tom. I'd much rather be going to your wedding again today, than going to work.

Chapstick, the Homewrecker

The first of the topics I must discuss is the very compelling issue brought forth by Cat.


Chapstick.


What a curious little invention. Seemingly so innocent, and yet so destructive. I know all too well the pain which is caused by this little tube of balm. It has special powers that trick the human mind. Think about it. There you sit, perfectly fine, you and your lips. No problems or disputes between you. And then...it happens. A woman just a few feet away begins to dig in her purse. You're nosey, so you watch. You become mesmerized. "WHAT IS SHE GOING TO PULL OUT?" you scream from inside your head. Then, slowly, but confidently she produces a small plastic tube, equal in length to your pinkie finger. In one swift movement she plucks off the cap and raises the skin protectant to her lips. Instinctively your own lips start to hurt. They feel dry and you lick them in a desperate attempt to quench their unyielding thirst. You begin to reel the contents of your own purse through your mind like a mental slide show...wallet, checkbook, clicky pen, chocolate, cell phone, Chihuahua named Fifi, and more chocolate. "Oh no! I have no chapstick," the tiny voice inside your head screeches at a decibel that makes your purse pooch duck for cover. Instantly your lips feel like the Sahara desert, and you stare longingly at the woman moisturizing her lips. Your lips begin to pulse with pain.



SNAP OUT OF IT. There's nothing wrong with you. You've been duped by the mind powers of the chapstick. This however, is not chapstick's worse offense. Chapstick is a homewrecker, and so is Cat for suggesting this topic. Because now I have to talk about it, and it will surely get me in trouble.



Setting: Minivan in route to Colorado.



I sit in the backseat staring absent mindedly out the window watching the trees roll by. My mind is numb from under stimulation when out of the corner of my eye I see my mother pull something out of her purse. Chapstick. The syndrome instantly begins and my lips start to hurt and feel chapped and dry. After generously (selfishly) applying the chapstick to her own lips, she goes to replace the tube back into her purse.

"Wait mom! Can I use that?" I ask earnestly.

She looks at me disgustedly, as if I wasn't the same individual that came rolling out of her some 16 or so years earlier. "No," she replies, and turns back around.

"Please, they are so dry," I moan.

"Be quiet Bridget."

"But mo..."

"I am not about to have your germs on my chapstick."

"I'm your daughter!"

"Yes I remember. I almost died giving birth to you, now be quiet."

"But they are chapped and hurt"

"Chapped?! Don't talk to me about chapped. My lips darn near chapped right off as I pushed you into this world, don't talk to me about chapped lips."

"So you understand what it's like then?"

"Do you want to walk to Colorado?"



As you can see, 6 years later, the hurt is still very fresh. Shaky fist chapstick.

Did You Miss Me?

So I'm ready to starting blogging again, but now that I have the time, I'm fresh out of ideas. You'd think I'd have a lot to say with everything that has happened in the last 5 months, but I'm coming up empty. I could talk about quitting grad school (taking a leave of absence) but really, that doesn't sound like much fun. I could talk about what a lunatic I have become lately, but I think Kenric should only have to live through those incidences once. I could talk about all of the crazy projects my mom keeps throwing at me (love you mom) while she tells me in the same breath I need to work on getting a job, but that will get me into trouble. Actually that whole last sentence has, "Bridget you're grounded," written all over it. Yes, I am 22 years old. I could talk about my plans for the future, but they change everyday so putting them in writing seems kind of pointless. I could talk about cake...mmm cake...but that doesn't seem very healthy. I could talk about how I started running again (by started I mean today I went out and jogged/crawled 2 miles), but then I'd have to admit just how out of shape I am. So as you can see, I've got nothing here.

What would you like to hear about?

OH AND!
It's Ugg boot season! Woohoo!

I missed you too.

Diseased

Some people are really good at being sick. What I mean to say is, some people handle it much more gracefully than others. In fact, they hardly let on that they are sick at all, and if you weren't around them long enough to take in all the coughing and nose blowing, you'd never even know.

I am not some people.

When I feel ill, all the world must know. When I get sick I'm never just, "not feeling well," I'm always, "dying." I am not the kind of person to lock myself away in my bedroom and reemerge when all is well. I must surround myself with reluctant individuals so I have ample victims to whine at. I moan and groan, and shift around restlessly, ensuring that everyone knows I am uncomfortable and displeased with my current state.

I am demanding.
Example:
Anna's voicemail: Hi you've reached Anna...blah, blah, blah...leave a message after the peep.
Me: Anna, this is Bridget. I hope the reason you're not answering your phone right now is that you're making me chicken noodle soup from scratch. I'm on my way over to your house right now.

I refuse anything that makes sense.
Example:
Me: I don't feel well.
Mom: Bridget, did you take anything?
Me: NO!
Mom: Well...
Me: Wha?
Mom: How old are you?

I am wholly unreasonable.
Example:
Location: Meijer Store, Soft Drink Aisle
Current state: feverish, coughing/hacking, red eyes (possibly even glowing), wandering through aisle clearly distressed
Meijer Shelf Stocker: Can I help you?
Me: *Angry glare* You can start by explaining why there is no Vernors on these shelves.
Stocker: Vernors?
Me: Vernors! The original ginger soda! A Michigan original since 1866!
Stocker: Oh! You need some ginger ale! Ok, well right here we have Canada Dry.
Me: *Eyes narrowing into an even angrier glare* Are you kidding me? I'm sick and quite possibly dying. I need a cure all, not some pansy Canadian ginger ale. Do you want me to be dead by morning?!
Stocker: I'm sure they taste the same.
Me: *Eyes widening into utter disbelief* No. It's not the same. Kenric always brings me Vernors when I'm sick!
Stocker: *Blank stare*
Me: This is an outrage, I'll shop elsewhere.

For those of you thinking, "Bridget, that doesn't sound like you. You don't like to talk to strangers." Well, you're right. Most of that conversation probably occurred in my head, but in my current diseased state I can no longer tell the difference between fiction and reality. If you'd like a more accurate version, it probably went more like this...

Meijer Shelf Stocker: Can I help you?
Me: No thanks. *Leaves store empty handed and buys Vernors elsewhere*

I am morbid.
Example:
Mom: What are you doing?
Me: Palpating my stomach.
Mom: Why?
Me: I'm making sure my appendix is not about to burst open and kill me.
Mom: Just go to bed.

I am dramatic.
Example:
Thermometer reading: 99.4 degrees F.
"Ahhh! I have a fever. I AM dying!"

I am slightly over the top.
Example:
Location: Meijer Store Checkout
Cashier scans...
1 Bottle DayQuil Cold & Flu
1 Bottle NyQuil Cough
1 Pack Cepacol Sore Throat Cherry Flavored Extra Strength Lozenges (18pack)
1 Pack Cepacol Sore Throat + Cough Mixed Berry Lozenges (18 pack) [is it bad that the back of the box has a limit on how many I can consume in a 24 hour period (12)?]
1 Bottle of Extra Strength Rapid Release Tylenol

Knowing that I am extremely unpleasant and whiny in this state, I have taken several measures to overcome my current illness. Last night I went to bed at 9:30pm. This is huge for me. Unfortunately all the coughing and hacking made for a very restless night, and I finally rolled out of bed 12 hours later feeling much worse than I had before. I went out and bought a pharmacy worth of drugs (see above), but they don't seem to be helping. I tell you all of this so that you may avoid all contact with me. My family has left the house for the day leaving me no one to whine at all day, and so the next person I speak with will get the brunt of a days worth of whining that I've been storing up.

You've been warned.

Keep Reading

I'm overtired and over dramatic...perfect time for blogging.

Yes Mom, I should be studying.

Yesterday I saw the movie Becoming Jane. I was a little weary to see it because Jane Austen is my favorite author and I doubted Anne Hathaway could do her justice. Not that I don't like Anne, but I just don't see her as Jane. The movie wasn't half bad. It portrayed my heroine much like I would. I've always been able to relate to Jane Austen. There's something so enticing about being able to write in your own happy endings when you feel so far from them yourself.

I have a strong sense that even if I could write my own ending, I'd mess it up. There's no way I could get it quite as good as what God has in mind. Normally I'm so opposed to flipping to the end of a book just to see how it ends. I mean if you read the end first, what's the point of experiencing the rest of it? But right now, I feel differently. Right now I'd just like to read the last page and see how it ends up. Maybe then I could calm down and relax. I could stop worrying about everything I can't control.

I mean of course it would be easier to trust someone if you knew they were going to come through for you, but I guess it wouldn't really be trust then would it?

So I guess I'll just keep reading.

I don't think this entry makes sense to anyone but me. I think I'll post it anyways. I'm glad we had this conversation.

Skulls

To answer everyone's question...

"Bridget! How's school going???"

I sawed through a corpse's skull with a hacksaw last week.

Anymore questions?

Didn't think so.

TWO WEEKS LEFT!

Holy Cats

Hello. Yes, I'm still alive...barely. I started MWU's Physician Assistant graduate program 3 weeks ago, hence no blog entries in a month.



I am in over my head.



I could just whine about it, but instead I'll show you an example of one of my school days, and you can imagine me whining about it.



6:00am Alarm goes off.

6:50am Get in truck

7:00am Run into construction

7:15am Run into some more construction

7:25am Stop and wait for reaaaallly long train to pass

7:40am Sit in traffic that does not move for no reason at all

8:05am Arrive at Midwestern University

8:10am Sit through a 2 hour Biopsychosocial Issues lecture

10:10am Sit through a 2 hours Clinical Medicine lecture

12:00pm Lunch (aka reviewing anatomy notes)

1:10pm Anatomy Lecture

2:10pm Anatomy Lab with cadavers (3 hrs)

5:00pm Library study time for two hours to avoid rush hour traffic

7:00pm Head home

8:00pm Arrive at home, tired, crabby and hungry.

9:00pm Start studying

12:00am Go to bed



So this is a typical day. The classes vary between those mentioned above and then two different biochems and a professional seminar. Sometimes I get to go home earlier than that, sometimes I get to arrive a little later. Regardless, I'm pretty sure they're trying to kill me. However, I have made it through 3 weeks already, and that means there's only 8 more to go until I get one week off. After that week off I get to start a whole new set of classes, with the added bonus of having eight classes instead of the six I can barely handle now.

So to answer all of your questions along the lines of, "How's grad school going?!"...



"Please send chocolate and pray for me."



I miss you all. I miss my life. When I get time to write a new blog entry (probably in 2 years) I'll try to make it more uplifting.



Also, I still have not seen or heard one ice cream truck. It is now almost July. Is anyone else concerned?

Jamba Juice

12:30pm: Darn it, I'm hungry. Ooooo. This granola bar looks swell. This should hold me over until dinner.
*Granola Bar consumed*
12:31pm: That was really good. So satisfying.
12: 39pm: Holy Cats! I'm starving. Stupid granola bar!
12:41pm: I should eat something. Yes KFC, let's eat KFC.
12:42pm: No! I feel like that is counter productive to the run we did this morning. Oh come on! We'll get that twister thing. There's lettuce in that, how can it not be good for you?
12:43pm: It costs money! We have no income. Income? Psh. Take some money from Johnny. No! That's not nice.
12:44pm: I need something free. I should just make a sandwich. Noooooooo! Such effort! Don't do it! How is that going to be satisfying?! Shhhhh Inner Bridget, I have no money. A sandwich will be just fine. Doubt it.
12: 45pm: WAIT! I'VE GOT IT! Jamba Juice! Oh my gosh! I'm right! I have a coupon for a free smoothie!
12:47pm: *Jump into truck, drive to Jamba Juice.*
12:55pm: *Arrive at Jamba Juice. Open purse to dig out coupon.*
12:56pm: *Dig through purse for 5th time...still no coupon.*
12:57pm: Where is my coupon! What the heck?! It was just in here a few days ago. When was the last time you saw it? When we pulled it out to use it with Ryne but Jamba Juice was closed...wait a minute. Ryne stole it! He stole our coupon! Ryne wouldn't steal it, don't be silly. Oh yes he would! Greedy! He took it alright! He's a dead man!
12:58pm: *Contemplating*
12:59pm: Do you really think he took it? Well it didn't get up and walk out of here now did it? He is a dead man! Hell hath no fury like a woman robbed of her free smoothie!
1:00pm: What now? What do you mean what now? Get in there! Go buy us a smoothie, I'm starving! But now I have to pay for it. Come on, I know you're hungry. Fine! But just this once.
1:05pm: *Exit Jamba Juice, smoothie in hand.*
1:15pm: *Smoothie consumed to completion.*
1:19pm: I'm starving!

11:30pm: *Searching jean pockets*
11:31pm: What's this? My Jamba Juice coupon! Hurrah! Fantastic! I can't believe you blamed Ryne.

Spring Shopping

Isn't shopping for clothes fun? I love walking into a place and seeing nothing but size 0-4 crowding every rack. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to have to scrounge about to the very back of each rack praying that they have at least one pair of shorts in a double digit size. Usually they don't bother to put these ones out. Apparently women that size don't need clothes. They can just wear togas or ponchos. Don't worry, if that's not your style usually there's a for sale rack hidden somewhere in the store. This is most likely located in a hole in the wall behind the sea of flip flops, accessed by spinning the green and white striped ones counterclockwise three times. That is where you will find clothes for the "other women."

And aren't the new spring fashions just darling? I'm sure every girl has enough self confidence and lacks enough modesty and morals to skip around in shorts that just barely cover her rear end. Thank goodness we were all born with twig like legs to pull these off. I also really enjoy the cute new tops that are out right now. I mean sure, I didn't realize they were shirts at first, I mistook one or two for a bandanna, and that other thing for a skirt, but after I bumped into the manikins, it all started making sense. Those dresses are awesome too. I hear see-through is the new black anyways right?

I guess I just have a few questions...
1) Do you have anything that will at least cover up my undergarments?
2) If I wanted to do something besides stand up straight and look pretty, do you have anything that wouldn't fall off my body while functioning on a normal human being level?
3) Since you've woven your dresses into pretty little numbers with gaping holes, do you have another dress I could put on underneath it?
4) If I were to wear the shirt that looks like a mini skirt, can I simultaneously wear a few of the shirts that look like bandannas, strategically fashioned to cover the rest of my torso?
5) The white see-through pants are really lost on me, can you explain those?
6) Let's say, just as a hypothetical question, that I wanted to cover up more than 10% of my body...do you have a swimsuit for that?
7) Ultra low rise jeans? For real? What? Why?
8) How do you sit in those? And still feel comfortable?
9) I'm all for recycling, but since when did people start turning in their hammocks so that they could be made into articles of clothing?
10) If I wear a large, what are women bigger than me supposed to wear? Seriously.

Correspondence

Dear Ice Cream Truck Driver Man-

Perhaps you didn't get the memo. It's warm outside. Come back. Today the temperature is hovering around 85 degrees, and you are no where to be found. I know it's only May, but I REALLY need some ice cream. Of course I could go to the store, but then I'd miss out on that fine music that you so eloquently blare from your speakers. I really want (NEED) a Choco Taco. Don't even try to lie to me and tell me you've been out and about, and that I just haven't heard you. I have a special sense for these things. I can hear you come from miles off...with headphones on...in the middle of a hail storm...over my sister practicing her trumpet. Maybe you should just give me your cell phone number, or your pager. That way we won't have these conflicts.
I miss you a lot,
Bridget

Dear Johnny,
I can't believe you ate the last Drumstick! You do realize that the Ice Cream Truck Driver Man is not yet making his rounds?! You've completely put my mood/life in jeopardy. Go buy me one of those Chocolate Eclair Bars.
~Your Favorite Sister

Dear Neighbor Girl~
I noticed that you were out on your deck tanning when I awoke at 11am. It concerns me that you are still out tanning now, and it's after 3pm. I let it go the first 5 days in a row I witnessed this all day event, but now I feel I must really say something. First of all, you probably just graduated college as I did, seeing as we graduated high school at the same time, and I assume you should be doing something with your life, like finding a job. Tanning for six hours a day might interfere with this search. Secondly, one's skin should not resemble a Coach Purse. That's not hot. You were officially tan about two weeks ago. You can stop now. This is just over kill. Lastly, I'm sorry about the singing. I forget that you spend your entire day sunbathing on your deck and that you can hear me singing from my kitchen while I do the dishes. That's my bad.
SPF 45 is nice.
~Bridget

Where Have I Been?

Oh my gosh, where have I been? Why have I not been blogging? Seriously, not one post in the whole month of April, that's ridiculous!

It's not my fault, really it isn't. You can blame the following:

1) 3 months of procrastination which led to one intense month of April (how is that my fault?!)
2) Kenric (yeah that's right, I said it)
3) Graduating/Saying Goodbye (teh sad)
4) Nice weather

Now that I've completely pawned off all the blame, let's get down to business. So I've graduated from Northern Michigan University with a Bachelors of Science in Athletic Training. Yay. Time to relax...not. I start grad school in June at Midwestern University. I'll be there for two years studying to be a Physician Assistant. Blah blah blah...enough of this.

New topic. So saying goodbye to people was a lot harder than I imagined it would be. The result was an over emotional Bridget who cried at the drop of a hat and rocked back and forth till the early hours of the morning. I'm not so good with the whole change thing. I met a lot of amazing people over the past four years and I wish I could take them all with me wherever I go. This is not the case. I can, however, take with me the lessons I learned from them all. A large part of learning is sharing your knowledge with the next person, so here I go...

1) No situation is ever hopeless.
2) Trusting people is the only way you'll ever get anywhere in life.
3) The most courageous person you'll ever meet may just be a triple jumper who only stands 5 feet 3 inches tall (correction 5'1").
4) The world doesn't end when someone else sees you cry.
5) Good friends are hard to find, but hard and impossible have never been the same thing.
6) You're never too old for Lego's and coloring books...or sand toys.
7) Sometimes you just need to hug it out.
8) No one ever has it all figured out.
9) When you dream, dream big.
10) In life you're going to say things you wish you hadn't, but remember God knew you were going to say them hundreds of years before they ever rolled off your tongue. Just go with it.
11) The wisest people you'll ever meet are usually younger than you. Probably because they've been learning from your mistakes.
12) You can search all you want for the remote, but there are some things in life that you just can't rewind.
13) Being sure of your future is impossible, being sure of yourself is imperative. Love yourself.
14) The people you love the most are the people who can hurt you the most. Love them anyways. Love to the point of sacrifice.
15) Sometimes you receive gifts from God that you don't think you deserve. He doesn't accept returns, just say thanks.
16) Life is not easy. If it's easy, then we're probably not living it right. We all have crosses to bear, but there is glory in the cross.
17) If you can't see yourself through God's eyes, find someone who can. Ask them what they see...and believe them.
18) The times in your life where you feel most alone are the times when God is closest, reach out and latch on.
19) The only situations that are impossible to get through are the ones we try to get through alone.
20) Every person deserves a chance...or 7 times 77 chances.
21) Never be afraid to try new things...even if you do end up spitting them out later.
22) Getting lost is an adventure worth taking every now and again.
23) Time is never wasted, when it's spent with people you care about.
24) It's not about the pizza and the treats. It's never been about that. It's about the people.
25) Surround yourself with people who will never give up on you.
26) A ledger pad is useless without the paper that fills it and the individuals who write in their lasting impact.
27) When someone comes to you for help, it's not a mistake.
28) The only things we need to strive for in life are faith, hope, and love. The end.
29) Don't ever write yourself off, you never know when a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy is going to walk into your life and prove you wrong.
30) If you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.

As I drove out of Marquette this past Sunday I remember looking out my rear view mirror thinking, "objects in mirror are closer than they appear." I don't think 400 miles will ever change that. I love you guys!