Wednesday, November 15, 2006

You WILL Smile Pretty

I went home last weekend for my older sister's wedding. I was in the door all of 10 minutes when she pulled me aside and said, "You WILL smile pretty on Saturday." I stared back at her contemplating this command.

Am I capable of such a thing? Past experience has suggested not, but perhaps for Aimee's big day I could whip out a secretly hidden Miss America smile. Probably not. Is it wrong to have my mouth agape and my eyes shining wildly for the wedding photos? I probably shouldn't stick out my tongue either. There goes my two most popular signature poses. This is ridiculous. I bet Zoolander was never asked to not pucker up his lips or refrain from his famous magnum expression.

"Sure, no problem," I replied.

This was the beginning of a very anti-Bridget weekend.

There was jewelry, there were dresses, there was makeup, and yes there were even pretty smiles! I went the entire day without a watch! This is unheard of. I ALWAYS wear a watch. In fact, I have a permanent watch tan, and the skin around my wrist has been worn into a watch band scar. Unfortunately, I didn't feel my black stopwatch would be very pretty clunking around my wrist, and I don't own sophisticated time I went watchless. I ate vegetables! Two nights in a row! I didn't wear my glasses (don't worry I put in contacts, I felt vision was crucial for this day). I had my flippin nails painted! I even allowed a curling iron and 7 lbs of hair spray to be used on my head. The end result of all of this was a woman I like to refer to as Lady Bridget.

And so, without further adieu...Lady Bridget.

She is well behaved. She wears high heels and doesn't fall on her face. She is pleasant and engaging. She gives toasts and catches bouqets. She smiles pretty when asked and she would never be caught mouth agape, or heaven forbid, with food hanging out.

She is a figment of your imagination...

Consider this chapter one in a series of wedding posts...more to come.


slskenyon said...

Glad to see that she's in there, but who are we kidding anyway? Who the hell "wants" to be that person? Wouldn't you rather be tripping over yourself and getting food everywhere but on your plate when you eat? Everyone always talks about it when the "perfect" people screw up like fall over themselves in their toothpick-thin high heels. If you do it all the time, people get a chuckle--it doesn't make major headline news. Ah, yet one more reason to eat more than 1000 calories a day, indulge in bread products, wear ugly, worn out, comfortable sneakers, and belch if the spirit "moves you."

Anonymous said...

You are beautiful!!! Not that you usually aren't...just you have a great smile.. it's nice seeing it without a piece of food hanging out of it. haa haa

You really do look great!

Ogre said...

Like I said in the e-mail wow! And the fact that you wore product is absolutely unbelievable.

Kenric said...

who ever came up with product? never heard that term before i met you people.

Aunt Lori said...

Bridget, you have a look that would make Zoolander green with envy, one he could never acquire, even with years of practice. It comes very naturally, though, to a Deutsch. Very well done.