12:30pm: Darn it, I'm hungry. Ooooo. This granola bar looks swell. This should hold me over until dinner.
*Granola Bar consumed*
12:31pm: That was really good. So satisfying.
12: 39pm: Holy Cats! I'm starving. Stupid granola bar!
12:41pm: I should eat something. Yes KFC, let's eat KFC.
12:42pm: No! I feel like that is counter productive to the run we did this morning. Oh come on! We'll get that twister thing. There's lettuce in that, how can it not be good for you?
12:43pm: It costs money! We have no income. Income? Psh. Take some money from Johnny. No! That's not nice.
12:44pm: I need something free. I should just make a sandwich. Noooooooo! Such effort! Don't do it! How is that going to be satisfying?! Shhhhh Inner Bridget, I have no money. A sandwich will be just fine. Doubt it.
12: 45pm: WAIT! I'VE GOT IT! Jamba Juice! Oh my gosh! I'm right! I have a coupon for a free smoothie!
12:47pm: *Jump into truck, drive to Jamba Juice.*
12:55pm: *Arrive at Jamba Juice. Open purse to dig out coupon.*
12:56pm: *Dig through purse for 5th time...still no coupon.*
12:57pm: Where is my coupon! What the heck?! It was just in here a few days ago. When was the last time you saw it? When we pulled it out to use it with Ryne but Jamba Juice was closed...wait a minute. Ryne stole it! He stole our coupon! Ryne wouldn't steal it, don't be silly. Oh yes he would! Greedy! He took it alright! He's a dead man!
12:58pm: *Contemplating*
12:59pm: Do you really think he took it? Well it didn't get up and walk out of here now did it? He is a dead man! Hell hath no fury like a woman robbed of her free smoothie!
1:00pm: What now? What do you mean what now? Get in there! Go buy us a smoothie, I'm starving! But now I have to pay for it. Come on, I know you're hungry. Fine! But just this once.
1:05pm: *Exit Jamba Juice, smoothie in hand.*
1:15pm: *Smoothie consumed to completion.*
1:19pm: I'm starving!
11:30pm: *Searching jean pockets*
11:31pm: What's this? My Jamba Juice coupon! Hurrah! Fantastic! I can't believe you blamed Ryne.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Spring Shopping
Isn't shopping for clothes fun? I love walking into a place and seeing nothing but size 0-4 crowding every rack. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to have to scrounge about to the very back of each rack praying that they have at least one pair of shorts in a double digit size. Usually they don't bother to put these ones out. Apparently women that size don't need clothes. They can just wear togas or ponchos. Don't worry, if that's not your style usually there's a for sale rack hidden somewhere in the store. This is most likely located in a hole in the wall behind the sea of flip flops, accessed by spinning the green and white striped ones counterclockwise three times. That is where you will find clothes for the "other women."
And aren't the new spring fashions just darling? I'm sure every girl has enough self confidence and lacks enough modesty and morals to skip around in shorts that just barely cover her rear end. Thank goodness we were all born with twig like legs to pull these off. I also really enjoy the cute new tops that are out right now. I mean sure, I didn't realize they were shirts at first, I mistook one or two for a bandanna, and that other thing for a skirt, but after I bumped into the manikins, it all started making sense. Those dresses are awesome too. I hear see-through is the new black anyways right?
I guess I just have a few questions...
1) Do you have anything that will at least cover up my undergarments?
2) If I wanted to do something besides stand up straight and look pretty, do you have anything that wouldn't fall off my body while functioning on a normal human being level?
3) Since you've woven your dresses into pretty little numbers with gaping holes, do you have another dress I could put on underneath it?
4) If I were to wear the shirt that looks like a mini skirt, can I simultaneously wear a few of the shirts that look like bandannas, strategically fashioned to cover the rest of my torso?
5) The white see-through pants are really lost on me, can you explain those?
6) Let's say, just as a hypothetical question, that I wanted to cover up more than 10% of my body...do you have a swimsuit for that?
7) Ultra low rise jeans? For real? What? Why?
8) How do you sit in those? And still feel comfortable?
9) I'm all for recycling, but since when did people start turning in their hammocks so that they could be made into articles of clothing?
10) If I wear a large, what are women bigger than me supposed to wear? Seriously.
And aren't the new spring fashions just darling? I'm sure every girl has enough self confidence and lacks enough modesty and morals to skip around in shorts that just barely cover her rear end. Thank goodness we were all born with twig like legs to pull these off. I also really enjoy the cute new tops that are out right now. I mean sure, I didn't realize they were shirts at first, I mistook one or two for a bandanna, and that other thing for a skirt, but after I bumped into the manikins, it all started making sense. Those dresses are awesome too. I hear see-through is the new black anyways right?
I guess I just have a few questions...
1) Do you have anything that will at least cover up my undergarments?
2) If I wanted to do something besides stand up straight and look pretty, do you have anything that wouldn't fall off my body while functioning on a normal human being level?
3) Since you've woven your dresses into pretty little numbers with gaping holes, do you have another dress I could put on underneath it?
4) If I were to wear the shirt that looks like a mini skirt, can I simultaneously wear a few of the shirts that look like bandannas, strategically fashioned to cover the rest of my torso?
5) The white see-through pants are really lost on me, can you explain those?
6) Let's say, just as a hypothetical question, that I wanted to cover up more than 10% of my body...do you have a swimsuit for that?
7) Ultra low rise jeans? For real? What? Why?
8) How do you sit in those? And still feel comfortable?
9) I'm all for recycling, but since when did people start turning in their hammocks so that they could be made into articles of clothing?
10) If I wear a large, what are women bigger than me supposed to wear? Seriously.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Correspondence
Dear Ice Cream Truck Driver Man-
Perhaps you didn't get the memo. It's warm outside. Come back. Today the temperature is hovering around 85 degrees, and you are no where to be found. I know it's only May, but I REALLY need some ice cream. Of course I could go to the store, but then I'd miss out on that fine music that you so eloquently blare from your speakers. I really want (NEED) a Choco Taco. 
Don't even try to lie to me and tell me you've been out and about, and that I just haven't heard you. I have a special sense for these things. I can hear you come from miles off...with headphones on...in the middle of a hail storm...over my sister practicing her trumpet. Maybe you should just give me your cell phone number, or your pager. That way we won't have these conflicts.
I miss you a lot,
Bridget
Dear Johnny,
I can't believe you ate the last Drumstick! You do realize that the Ice Cream Truck Driver Man is not yet making his rounds?! You've completely put my mood/life in jeopardy. Go buy me one of those Chocolate Eclair Bars.
~Your Favorite Sister
Dear Neighbor Girl~
I noticed that you were out on your deck tanning when I awoke at 11am. It concerns me that you are still out tanning now, and it's after 3pm. I let it go the first 5 days in a row I witnessed this all day event, but now I feel I must really say something. First of all, you probably just graduated college as I did, seeing as we graduated high school at the same time, and I assume you should be doing something with your life, like finding a job. Tanning for six hours a day might interfere with this search. Secondly, one's skin should not resemble a Coach Purse. That's not hot. You were officially tan about two weeks ago. You can stop now. This is just over kill. Lastly, I'm sorry about the singing. I forget that you spend your entire day sunbathing on your deck and that you can hear me singing from my kitchen while I do the dishes. That's my bad.
SPF 45 is nice.
~Bridget
Don't even try to lie to me and tell me you've been out and about, and that I just haven't heard you. I have a special sense for these things. I can hear you come from miles off...with headphones on...in the middle of a hail storm...over my sister practicing her trumpet. Maybe you should just give me your cell phone number, or your pager. That way we won't have these conflicts.I miss you a lot,
Bridget
Dear Johnny,
I can't believe you ate the last Drumstick! You do realize that the Ice Cream Truck Driver Man is not yet making his rounds?! You've completely put my mood/life in jeopardy. Go buy me one of those Chocolate Eclair Bars.
~Your Favorite Sister
Dear Neighbor Girl~
I noticed that you were out on your deck tanning when I awoke at 11am. It concerns me that you are still out tanning now, and it's after 3pm. I let it go the first 5 days in a row I witnessed this all day event, but now I feel I must really say something. First of all, you probably just graduated college as I did, seeing as we graduated high school at the same time, and I assume you should be doing something with your life, like finding a job. Tanning for six hours a day might interfere with this search. Secondly, one's skin should not resemble a Coach Purse. That's not hot. You were officially tan about two weeks ago. You can stop now. This is just over kill. Lastly, I'm sorry about the singing. I forget that you spend your entire day sunbathing on your deck and that you can hear me singing from my kitchen while I do the dishes. That's my bad.
SPF 45 is nice.
~Bridget
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Where Have I Been?
Oh my gosh, where have I been? Why have I not been blogging? Seriously, not one post in the whole month of April, that's ridiculous!
It's not my fault, really it isn't. You can blame the following:
1) 3 months of procrastination which led to one intense month of April (how is that my fault?!)
2) Kenric (yeah that's right, I said it)
3) Graduating/Saying Goodbye (teh sad)
4) Nice weather
Now that I've completely pawned off all the blame, let's get down to business. So I've graduated from Northern Michigan University with a Bachelors of Science in Athletic Training. Yay. Time to relax...not. I start grad school in June at Midwestern University. I'll be there for two years studying to be a Physician Assistant. Blah blah blah...enough of this.
New topic. So saying goodbye to people was a lot harder than I imagined it would be. The result was an over emotional Bridget who cried at the drop of a hat and rocked back and forth till the early hours of the morning. I'm not so good with the whole change thing. I met a lot of amazing people over the past four years and I wish I could take them all with me wherever I go. This is not the case. I can, however, take with me the lessons I learned from them all. A large part of learning is sharing your knowledge with the next person, so here I go...
1) No situation is ever hopeless.
2) Trusting people is the only way you'll ever get anywhere in life.
3) The most courageous person you'll ever meet may just be a triple jumper who only stands 5 feet 3 inches tall (correction 5'1").
4) The world doesn't end when someone else sees you cry.
5) Good friends are hard to find, but hard and impossible have never
been the same thing.
6) You're never too old for Lego's and coloring books...or sand toys.
7) Sometimes you just need to hug it out.
8) No one ever has it all figured out.
9) When you dream, dream big.
10) In life you're going to say things you wish you hadn't, but remember God knew you were going to say them hundreds of years before they ever rolled off your tongue. Just go with it.
11) The wisest people you'll ever meet are usually younger than you. Probably because they've been learning from your mistakes.
12) You can search all you want for the remote, but there are some things in life that you just can't rewind.
13) Being sure of your future is impossible, being sure of yourself is imperative. Love yourself.
14) The people you love the most are the people who can hurt you the most. Love them anyways. Love to the point of sacrifice.
15) Sometimes you receive gifts from God that you don't think you deserve. He doesn't accept returns, just say thanks.
16) Life is not easy. If it's easy, then we're probably not living it right. We all have crosses to bear, but there is glory in the cross.
17) If you can't see yourself through God's eyes, find someone who can. Ask them what they see...and believe them.
18) The times in your life where you feel most alone are the times when God is closest, reach out and latch on.
19) The only situations that are impossible to get through are the ones we try to get through alone.
20) Every person deserves a chance...or 7 times 77 chances.
21) Never be afraid to try new things...even if you do end up spitting them out later.
22) Getting lost is an adventure worth taking every now and again.
23) Time is never wasted, when it's spent with people you care about.
24) It's not about the pizza and the treats. It's never been about that. It's about the people.
25) Surround yourself with people who will never give up on you.
26) A ledger pad is useless without the paper that fills it and the individuals who write in their lasting impact.
27) When someone comes to you for help, it's not a mistake.
28) The only things we need to strive for in life are faith, hope, and love. The end.
29) Don't ever write yourself off, you never know when a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy is going to walk into your life and prove you wrong.
30) If you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
As I drove out of Marquette this past Sunday I remember looking out my rear view mirror thinking, "objects in mirror are closer than they appear." I don't think 400 miles will ever change that. I love you guys!
It's not my fault, really it isn't. You can blame the following:
1) 3 months of procrastination which led to one intense month of April (how is that my fault?!)
2) Kenric (yeah that's right, I said it)
3) Graduating/Saying Goodbye (teh sad)
4) Nice weather
Now that I've completely pawned off all the blame, let's get down to business. So I've graduated from Northern Michigan University with a Bachelors of Science in Athletic Training. Yay. Time to relax...not. I start grad school in June at Midwestern University. I'll be there for two years studying to be a Physician Assistant. Blah blah blah...enough of this.
New topic. So saying goodbye to people was a lot harder than I imagined it would be. The result was an over emotional Bridget who cried at the drop of a hat and rocked back and forth till the early hours of the morning. I'm not so good with the whole change thing. I met a lot of amazing people over the past four years and I wish I could take them all with me wherever I go. This is not the case. I can, however, take with me the lessons I learned from them all. A large part of learning is sharing your knowledge with the next person, so here I go...
1) No situation is ever hopeless.
2) Trusting people is the only way you'll ever get anywhere in life.
3) The most courageous person you'll ever meet may just be a triple jumper who only stands 5 feet 3 inches tall (correction 5'1").
4) The world doesn't end when someone else sees you cry.
5) Good friends are hard to find, but hard and impossible have never
been the same thing.6) You're never too old for Lego's and coloring books...or sand toys.
7) Sometimes you just need to hug it out.
8) No one ever has it all figured out.
9) When you dream, dream big.
10) In life you're going to say things you wish you hadn't, but remember God knew you were going to say them hundreds of years before they ever rolled off your tongue. Just go with it.
11) The wisest people you'll ever meet are usually younger than you. Probably because they've been learning from your mistakes.
12) You can search all you want for the remote, but there are some things in life that you just can't rewind.
13) Being sure of your future is impossible, being sure of yourself is imperative. Love yourself.
14) The people you love the most are the people who can hurt you the most. Love them anyways. Love to the point of sacrifice.
15) Sometimes you receive gifts from God that you don't think you deserve. He doesn't accept returns, just say thanks.
16) Life is not easy. If it's easy, then we're probably not living it right. We all have crosses to bear, but there is glory in the cross.
17) If you can't see yourself through God's eyes, find someone who can. Ask them what they see...and believe them.
18) The times in your life where you feel most alone are the times when God is closest, reach out and latch on.
19) The only situations that are impossible to get through are the ones we try to get through alone.
20) Every person deserves a chance...or 7 times 77 chances.
21) Never be afraid to try new things...even if you do end up spitting them out later.
22) Getting lost is an adventure worth taking every now and again.
23) Time is never wasted, when it's spent with people you care about.
24) It's not about the pizza and the treats. It's never been about that. It's about the people.
25) Surround yourself with people who will never give up on you.
26) A ledger pad is useless without the paper that fills it and the individuals who write in their lasting impact.
27) When someone comes to you for help, it's not a mistake.
28) The only things we need to strive for in life are faith, hope, and love. The end.
29) Don't ever write yourself off, you never know when a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy is going to walk into your life and prove you wrong.
30) If you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
As I drove out of Marquette this past Sunday I remember looking out my rear view mirror thinking, "objects in mirror are closer than they appear." I don't think 400 miles will ever change that. I love you guys!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
I couldn't have said it any better
This, ladies and gentlemen, is why my cousin Kate really is cooler than me. I'm sitting here posting about chocolate and Ugg boots, while she perfectly recalls some of the best times of our lives. Lake Wisconsin Vacations.
Fantastic post Kate.
Fantastic post Kate.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Mmmm...Chocolate
An extra special glimpse into the mind of women...or at least this woman.
To say that a woman's mood can be highly relient upon chocolate and/or desserts and/or Mike and Ike's (any candy of similar substance) is NOT, I repeat, NOT a stereotype. It is a fact.
That is all.
To say that a woman's mood can be highly relient upon chocolate and/or desserts and/or Mike and Ike's (any candy of similar substance) is NOT, I repeat, NOT a stereotype. It is a fact.
That is all.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Uh oh...
Cleaning must commence...2 days ago!
Kenric is coming to visit the STC and much cleaning needs to occur in order for me not to get shot by my mother (love you mom!). In a house of 6 people, 4 dogs (yes I'm including Mr. Stan...he's here all the time anyways), 3 cats, a guinea pig, and a partridge in a pear tree, cleaning is no small task. It's actually very overwhelming and so instead of actually cleaning I keep doing things slightly related to the task...
1) Make a list of what needs to be cleaned
2) Take an inventory of cleaning supplies
3) Blog about needing to clean
4) Stare off into space thinking about cleaning
In other related news...
Dear family members,
Feel free to stop by at any time this weekend. You would not believe the ambush I received upon entering his house last weekend. Retaliation is only fair. Come in hoards.
Love,
Bridget
Kenric is coming to visit the STC and much cleaning needs to occur in order for me not to get shot by my mother (love you mom!). In a house of 6 people, 4 dogs (yes I'm including Mr. Stan...he's here all the time anyways), 3 cats, a guinea pig, and a partridge in a pear tree, cleaning is no small task. It's actually very overwhelming and so instead of actually cleaning I keep doing things slightly related to the task...
1) Make a list of what needs to be cleaned
2) Take an inventory of cleaning supplies
3) Blog about needing to clean
4) Stare off into space thinking about cleaning
In other related news...
Dear family members,
Feel free to stop by at any time this weekend. You would not believe the ambush I received upon entering his house last weekend. Retaliation is only fair. Come in hoards.
Love,
Bridget
Monday, February 26, 2007
Group Projects Part 2
It's that time of year again! Group project time! Do we remember how much I love Group Projects? Love them. I love them with a passion likened only to the wonderful sensation of sandpaper rubbing against my skin. I'm glad to see that no matter what class I'm in, nothing changes. It's good to have consistency. It's something I can depend on. I can depend that if there are incompetent, unmotivated people in my class I will most definitely be grouped up with them to complete a lengthy project. Fantastic. My current group might just top the charts.
Email sent out...
Hey guys-
We need to do that 470 project. For those of you who can make it, we're going to meet at the library at 9pm. We'll meet up at the circulation desk and go from there.
-Bridget
That's pretty clear right? Nothing too confusing? I enter the library at 8:55pm through the basement which is actually just a lounge area with a food court/Starbucks where people can socialize and eat. As I'm cutting through this area to head upstairs to the actual library part and the circulation desk I see two members of my group sitting at a table eating nachos. I figured they were just finishing up dinner before our meeting so I head over to say hello, and insanity ensues...
Me: "Hi guys."
Idiot #1: "Oh good, you're here!"
Me: "Uh...yeah."
Idiot #2: "We didn't know what the circum...whatever was."
Idiot #1: "Yeah, so we decided to just meet down here and hope you found us."
Me: "The circulation desk?"
Idiot #2: "Yeah! That's it!"
Me: Are you kidding me?! "Well, that's the desk you check your books out at."
Idiot #1 (3rd year in school...at least): "I've never done that."
Me: Remain calm. Don't hit him. Breathe. Why would I even look for you down here, this isn't even the actual library?! "Well this table isn't going to work."
Idiots: "Wha...?"
Me: Smaller words, talk slower. "There...are....five...people...in...this...group. You...are...at...a...table...for...four."
Idiot #1: Well I didn't see anything else.
Me: *Looks across the room and sees 5 different tables that would work* SERIOUSLY? "Well let me take a look and see what I can find." IDIOTS! *Returns five seconds later* "Ok, my backpack is on that one over there, go ahead and head over. I'm going to go get the others...the one's who actually know what a circulation desk is."
Idiots: *While staring directly at the table with my backpack...the only open table with a giant backpack sitting on it* "Which one?"
Me: Just walk away. No, murdering someone with a plastic knife is not a good idea.
Email sent out...
Hey guys-
We need to do that 470 project. For those of you who can make it, we're going to meet at the library at 9pm. We'll meet up at the circulation desk and go from there.
-Bridget
That's pretty clear right? Nothing too confusing? I enter the library at 8:55pm through the basement which is actually just a lounge area with a food court/Starbucks where people can socialize and eat. As I'm cutting through this area to head upstairs to the actual library part and the circulation desk I see two members of my group sitting at a table eating nachos. I figured they were just finishing up dinner before our meeting so I head over to say hello, and insanity ensues...
Me: "Hi guys."
Idiot #1: "Oh good, you're here!"
Me: "Uh...yeah."
Idiot #2: "We didn't know what the circum...whatever was."
Idiot #1: "Yeah, so we decided to just meet down here and hope you found us."
Me: "The circulation desk?"
Idiot #2: "Yeah! That's it!"
Me: Are you kidding me?! "Well, that's the desk you check your books out at."
Idiot #1 (3rd year in school...at least): "I've never done that."
Me: Remain calm. Don't hit him. Breathe. Why would I even look for you down here, this isn't even the actual library?! "Well this table isn't going to work."
Idiots: "Wha...?"
Me: Smaller words, talk slower. "There...are....five...people...in...this...group. You...are...at...a...table...for...four."
Idiot #1: Well I didn't see anything else.
Me: *Looks across the room and sees 5 different tables that would work* SERIOUSLY? "Well let me take a look and see what I can find." IDIOTS! *Returns five seconds later* "Ok, my backpack is on that one over there, go ahead and head over. I'm going to go get the others...the one's who actually know what a circulation desk is."
Idiots: *While staring directly at the table with my backpack...the only open table with a giant backpack sitting on it* "Which one?"
Me: Just walk away. No, murdering someone with a plastic knife is not a good idea.
CUBBIES!
The Official Site of The Chicago Cubs: Homepage
Ladies and gentlemen....SPRING TRAINING STARTS THIS WEEK!
Ladies and gentlemen....SPRING TRAINING STARTS THIS WEEK!
Friday, February 23, 2007
Sleep or lack there of
I woke up at 4am this morning. It is now 2am the next morning. I haven't even taken a nap. That's 22 hrs of being awake folks. 22 hrs of being awake, and not one thing to blog about. Hmmm. I should go to bed.
Should I mention the all nighter I pulled the night before?
It's almost the weekend!
Should I mention the all nighter I pulled the night before?
It's almost the weekend!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Uggs = Pandemic
Ok so I know I keep mentioning Ugg boots, but I can't help it. People bring this stuff to me. I would be able to ignore the epidemic or perhaps by now it's more of a pandemic, but no. It's like I've got Uggs spies. I get phone calls, emails, and even pictures. And darn it...I love it. I love hearing your Ugg boot sightings. Uggs are being spotted across the country. I knew they ran ramped up here in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, but I had no idea they had overtaken my homeland of Illinois and now even Colorado. Here are two of the most recent updates I have received:
1) Uggs on Ice (Champaign/Urbana, IL)
Kate phoned me two weeks ago to report a most amusing scenario. As she strolled the icy campus of U of I, she found herself walking behind what I can only define as an Ugg Hoard.
[Ugg Hoard (noun): A group of two or more individuals wearing Ugg boots, who only allow other Ugg boot wearing individuals to be walking within 10 feet of them. These individuals have not fully embraced their Uggs enough to be comfortable wearing them all on their own, so they recruit other Ugg boot wearing individuals to surround them. Safety in numbers.]
For some reason they were sliding all over the place in their Uggs...I can't imagine why that would be. In frustration one of the girls finally exclaimed, "STUPID UGGS! This is what they were supposed to be made for!" Really? Is that the purpose of Uggs? Ice walking? I guess it make sense considering their excellent treads. And all of this time I thought it was just because they looked amazing on people. Especially when someone tucks khakis into them. That's hot.
2) Uggs Crossing Gender Lines (Denver, CO)
My sister and and her husband Tom are currently in Colorado. It seems the entire population has embraced Ugg boots, MEN and women alike. And why not? We already know they are excellent for icy conditions, why not apply that ingenious engineering to a mountainous terrain?
And I knew it was only a matter of time before men fell victim to this fashion craze. Everything about the Ugg screams masculinity. Deep down inside I think men the world over have just been waiting for the perfect shoe they could tuck their jeans into. The cowboy boot certainly doesn't allow for such a thing, nor does the steel toe boot or sneaker. Finally with Uggs those pesky jeans can be properly confined so scorpions and other such hazardous creatures can't crawl up one's pant leg.
1) Uggs on Ice (Champaign/Urbana, IL)
Kate phoned me two weeks ago to report a most amusing scenario. As she strolled the icy campus of U of I, she found herself walking behind what I can only define as an Ugg Hoard.
[Ugg Hoard (noun): A group of two or more individuals wearing Ugg boots, who only allow other Ugg boot wearing individuals to be walking within 10 feet of them. These individuals have not fully embraced their Uggs enough to be comfortable wearing them all on their own, so they recruit other Ugg boot wearing individuals to surround them. Safety in numbers.]
For some reason they were sliding all over the place in their Uggs...I can't imagine why that would be. In frustration one of the girls finally exclaimed, "STUPID UGGS! This is what they were supposed to be made for!" Really? Is that the purpose of Uggs? Ice walking? I guess it make sense considering their excellent treads. And all of this time I thought it was just because they looked amazing on people. Especially when someone tucks khakis into them. That's hot.
2) Uggs Crossing Gender Lines (Denver, CO)
My sister and and her husband Tom are currently in Colorado. It seems the entire population has embraced Ugg boots, MEN and women alike. And why not? We already know they are excellent for icy conditions, why not apply that ingenious engineering to a mountainous terrain?
And I knew it was only a matter of time before men fell victim to this fashion craze. Everything about the Ugg screams masculinity. Deep down inside I think men the world over have just been waiting for the perfect shoe they could tuck their jeans into. The cowboy boot certainly doesn't allow for such a thing, nor does the steel toe boot or sneaker. Finally with Uggs those pesky jeans can be properly confined so scorpions and other such hazardous creatures can't crawl up one's pant leg.
Ugg boots appear to be the solution to so many of life's problems. Maybe I should jump on the band wagon...
MAYBE NOT.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Pardon me, but you look ridiculous
I think I've made it clear that I take Ugg boot wearing as a serious offense. Many of my friends, however, have these retched shoes, and I'm able to overlook it.
Today my older sister informed me of a situation I cannot overlook.
While visiting an indoor water park Aimee came across a most peculiar sight. An 18 year old female on the pool deck fashioning a teeny tiny bikini. Of course this is not abnormal in this day and age, but wait, I'm not finished. A top of this bikini she wore a winter jacket (unzipped), a short jacket with fur lining the hood. To add insanity to madness, this bright young lady was also sporting Ugg boots. Approximate temperature on pool deck: 70 degrees.
Which leads to the all important question: What thought process leads to such a display?
*In Hotel room preparing to go downstairs to the pool*
Hmmm. What to wear? What...to...wear? A tiny string bikini! Yes that's it! It is completely useless and will probably fall apart should I actually end up in the water, but darn it, I'll look good.
*Glances out window*
Oh my gosh! Is it snowing? In January? Really? Hmmm. Better take a coat. I'll just take this short one here and not zip it up so the world can still see my amazing suit. I'd like to parade around the pool deck, but it's always so wet. I wouldn't want to dampen my toes. Shoes. Yes shoes would be perfect.
*Opens closet*
Flip flops...no, those are summer shoes, it's January.
Tennis shoes...no, I'm not trying to get a work out in here.
Uggs...oh my gosh! Yes that's perfect. I mean, it is snowing out after all!
It is fortunate that I was not present for this spectacle. Had I come across this unique individual on the pool deck I probably wouldn't have been able to avoid pulling her aside and saying, "Pardon me, but you look ridiculous."
Today my older sister informed me of a situation I cannot overlook.
While visiting an indoor water park Aimee came across a most peculiar sight. An 18 year old female on the pool deck fashioning a teeny tiny bikini. Of course this is not abnormal in this day and age, but wait, I'm not finished. A top of this bikini she wore a winter jacket (unzipped), a short jacket with fur lining the hood. To add insanity to madness, this bright young lady was also sporting Ugg boots. Approximate temperature on pool deck: 70 degrees.
Which leads to the all important question: What thought process leads to such a display?
*In Hotel room preparing to go downstairs to the pool*
Hmmm. What to wear? What...to...wear? A tiny string bikini! Yes that's it! It is completely useless and will probably fall apart should I actually end up in the water, but darn it, I'll look good.
*Glances out window*
Oh my gosh! Is it snowing? In January? Really? Hmmm. Better take a coat. I'll just take this short one here and not zip it up so the world can still see my amazing suit. I'd like to parade around the pool deck, but it's always so wet. I wouldn't want to dampen my toes. Shoes. Yes shoes would be perfect.
*Opens closet*
Flip flops...no, those are summer shoes, it's January.
Tennis shoes...no, I'm not trying to get a work out in here.
Uggs...oh my gosh! Yes that's perfect. I mean, it is snowing out after all!
It is fortunate that I was not present for this spectacle. Had I come across this unique individual on the pool deck I probably wouldn't have been able to avoid pulling her aside and saying, "Pardon me, but you look ridiculous."
Friday, January 19, 2007
Self Help
Dear Self,
I know that you're tired and sleep deprived. I realize that you just made the 7 1/2 hour trip between Illinois and Marquette 3 times in the last five days, and that you endured a 5 hour interview process in which you actually had to converse with strangers, but you need to find a different form of energy. It is ill advised to completely switch your diet over to caffeinated pop, cappuccinos, and Mike and Ikes just to remain awake during the day. Believe it or not, there is very little nutritional value associated with these recent staples in your life. If you're wondering why your stomach has been so upset lately and why you've been walking around shaking like a crack fiend, I'm going to go out on a limb and say the intense sugar intake might have something to do with it. I am certainly not trying to dispute the fact that the combination of Mountain Dew and Mike and Ikes is an excellent way to stay awake when driving late at night, but I am saying that somewhere a line needs to be drawn. I'm worried about you kid. Take a break. Sleep in tomorrow. Eat something with substance (like pizza). In the future if you're getting tired while driving, roll down the window and stick your head out. Yes I realize it's below freezing and that you drive at an alarming speed, but at least your stomach will be happy.
As long as we're hammering out your issues here, let me address this other thing that has been bothering me. I don't like your relationship with Mike and Ike. I think it's borderline obsessive. I know you don't get to enjoy them very often, but seriously. I'm concerned with the crazy gleam you get in your eye everytime you remember that you still have some left over from your recent trip. Don't think I didn't notice the tears welling up in your eyes earlier today when you bit into that little red one after you had left the box out to freeze in your truck all night. You nearly broke your tooth on that thing, and yet you sucked on it until it was in a chewable state. And yes, I did see how you then took a handful out and held on tight to them for the next five minutes, thawing them in your fist. You may not have minded the sticky residue, but I did. This is unhealthy. Let them go. Find real friends...Sour Patch Kids don't count.
Love,
Yourself
I know that you're tired and sleep deprived. I realize that you just made the 7 1/2 hour trip between Illinois and Marquette 3 times in the last five days, and that you endured a 5 hour interview process in which you actually had to converse with strangers, but you need to find a different form of energy. It is ill advised to completely switch your diet over to caffeinated pop, cappuccinos, and Mike and Ikes just to remain awake during the day. Believe it or not, there is very little nutritional value associated with these recent staples in your life. If you're wondering why your stomach has been so upset lately and why you've been walking around shaking like a crack fiend, I'm going to go out on a limb and say the intense sugar intake might have something to do with it. I am certainly not trying to dispute the fact that the combination of Mountain Dew and Mike and Ikes is an excellent way to stay awake when driving late at night, but I am saying that somewhere a line needs to be drawn. I'm worried about you kid. Take a break. Sleep in tomorrow. Eat something with substance (like pizza). In the future if you're getting tired while driving, roll down the window and stick your head out. Yes I realize it's below freezing and that you drive at an alarming speed, but at least your stomach will be happy.
As long as we're hammering out your issues here, let me address this other thing that has been bothering me. I don't like your relationship with Mike and Ike. I think it's borderline obsessive. I know you don't get to enjoy them very often, but seriously. I'm concerned with the crazy gleam you get in your eye everytime you remember that you still have some left over from your recent trip. Don't think I didn't notice the tears welling up in your eyes earlier today when you bit into that little red one after you had left the box out to freeze in your truck all night. You nearly broke your tooth on that thing, and yet you sucked on it until it was in a chewable state. And yes, I did see how you then took a handful out and held on tight to them for the next five minutes, thawing them in your fist. You may not have minded the sticky residue, but I did. This is unhealthy. Let them go. Find real friends...Sour Patch Kids don't count.
Love,
Yourself
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Jokers
DISCLAIMER: The following post was forced upon me by the very two people in which the content focuses on. I attempted to warn them that a blog focused on the eradication of idiots is not something you want to be the headliner on. I was ignored. I was begged. “Please blog about us Bridget! It will be funny,” they said, again and again. So I finally broke down. Everything that will be said and any pictures that might be displayed are done so with the expressed consent and encouragement from the so called victims. That is all.
To start us off, let me paint a picture.
10am. New Years day. Bridget passed out in bed with the book she fell asleep while reading lying open next to her. Bridget began her reading after all her guests left the house and she went well into early hours of the morning reading. Bridget’s foreseen awakening time: 12pm.
Beep. Beep. (Text Message Alert)
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 9:58am. Who the hell?
“One new message from: Megan. ‘Colonial for breakfast?’”
No money, must sleep. Phone flips shut without replying (mistake). Bridget returns to sleep.
Ring….ring…ring…
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:01am. Ugh Laura!
Groggy Bridget flips open cell phone to see “Laura” type across screen.
Phone flips shut. Bridget returns to sleep.
Beep. Beep.
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:02am. I hate you both!
“One new message from: Laura. ‘Wake up we are hungry. Let’s get food.”
No money, must sleep. Phone flips shut without replying. Bridget returns to sleep.
**Time out. You’re probably thinking, “Idiot! Why didn’t you just shut off your phone?” Answer: I was expecting an important phone call. Or perhaps you are thinking, “Why didn’t you just answer the phone and tell them no?” Answer: Answering the phone will lead to only one thing: giving up, waking up, and meeting them for the breakfast that I can’t afford. Megan and Laura do not take no for an answer. In fact, had I answered the phone, I have a feeling that they would continue to call knowing I was semi awake and not cease in their attempts at communication until I agreed to go. Time in**
Ring….ring…ring…
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:06am. Ugh Megan!
Groggy Bridget flips open cell phone to see “Megan” typed across screen.
Phone flips shut. Bridget returns to sleep.
Ring…ring…ring…
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:07am. Noooo Laura!
Groggy Bridget flips open cell phone to see “Laura” typed across screen.
Phone flips shut. Bridget returns to sleep.
Beep. Beep.
Exhausted and irritated Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:11am. Reoccurring Nightmare.
“One new message from: Laura. ‘Colonial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
Noooooooooooo! Phone flips shut without replying. Bridget returns to sleep.
Who are these people?
This is Megan and Laura and they believe that if they each alternate calling me in rapid fire then the chance of their call being answered will increase. This is a false notion. They are my close friends from home believe it or not, and I affectionately refer to them as The Jokers. It is useless to refer to them as two separate individuals because that’s just simply not how they function. Megan and Laura have merged into one solid unit of jokerness. For those of you not familiar with this whole concept of being a joker, I will use Megan and Laura to help educate you. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the top 25 ways you know that you are a joker.
You know you’re a joker when…
25)…a canister of Play-Doh brings on fits of laughter.
24)…you believe you are a princess and are therefore entitled to everything you want when you want it.
19)…seeing someone in a giant Winnie the Pooh costume causes you to turn bright red with excitement and screech “WINNIE THE POOH!”
18)…you wear Ugg boots.
17)…you have to call your best friend up at least once a week to remind her that you are indeed best friends.
16)…you place an open can of beer in your brand new purse because you’re “saving it for later!”
15)…you actually enjoy listening to Ashlee Simpson.
14)…you were surprised and disappointed to find that Lance Bass is gay.
13)…you lack the common sense to know that police officers wouldn’t really call you on your cell phone to say that they know you’re inside someone’s house partying and that they are waiting outside to arrest you.
12)…all of your hair color decisions are based upon the hair color of your joker best friend.
11)…the joke, “Aren’t you two a cute couple,” will never get old to you.
10)…every time you eat a meal you eat to the point where you are so full that eating becomes painful and causes you to make noises such as, “Ugh! Ahhh! Ow! Oh!” as well as make loud long sighs, and then you continue to eat more food.
9)…your accomplishments in your sorority/fraternity are the crowning achievements in your life.
8)…you are deaf to a degree which ensures that everything said during a conversation will have to be repeated for your sake.
7)…you are proud of the POS stereo that occupies your entire trunk and has been broken for several years. You somehow assume that turning it up will drown out the strange noises it emits, therefore causing your backseat passengers to become as deaf as you are.
6)…you self appoint yourself as the minion of your best friend
5)…you attempt to court your best friend’s older brother when drunk.
4)…you show your two other friends how much you value their friendship by inviting them over for a costume party so you can point and laugh at them as they walk in dressed as an oompa loompa and scarecrow, taking pleasure in the horrified look on their face when greeted by your costumeless entourage.
3)…instead of exchanging Christmas presents like normal people you tell your best friend that you’ve developed a new game in which she takes you shopping, you tell her to try to guess what you want (giving her extremely helpful hints) and then when she finally comes to the right decision you send her to the checkout to buy it for you.
2)…you go to Disneyworld and spend as much time as possible in the dingy hotel room which you hate, and that you’ve spent the last month describing as disgusting and low class, making your other two friends (who, unlike you, had to pay for the trip with their own money) feel guilty about not being able to afford something classy enough to please you. Also, while wasting away your time and parent’s money in said hotel room, you decide it would be fun to make the room appear as though a tampon machine exploded in the middle of the room conveniently sending tampons sailing all over the belongings of the only male on the trip.
1)…you actually requested to be the subject of one of Bridget’s blog posts.
To start us off, let me paint a picture.
10am. New Years day. Bridget passed out in bed with the book she fell asleep while reading lying open next to her. Bridget began her reading after all her guests left the house and she went well into early hours of the morning reading. Bridget’s foreseen awakening time: 12pm.
Beep. Beep. (Text Message Alert)
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 9:58am. Who the hell?
“One new message from: Megan. ‘Colonial for breakfast?’”
No money, must sleep. Phone flips shut without replying (mistake). Bridget returns to sleep.
Ring….ring…ring…
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:01am. Ugh Laura!
Groggy Bridget flips open cell phone to see “Laura” type across screen.
Phone flips shut. Bridget returns to sleep.
Beep. Beep.
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:02am. I hate you both!
“One new message from: Laura. ‘Wake up we are hungry. Let’s get food.”
No money, must sleep. Phone flips shut without replying. Bridget returns to sleep.
**Time out. You’re probably thinking, “Idiot! Why didn’t you just shut off your phone?” Answer: I was expecting an important phone call. Or perhaps you are thinking, “Why didn’t you just answer the phone and tell them no?” Answer: Answering the phone will lead to only one thing: giving up, waking up, and meeting them for the breakfast that I can’t afford. Megan and Laura do not take no for an answer. In fact, had I answered the phone, I have a feeling that they would continue to call knowing I was semi awake and not cease in their attempts at communication until I agreed to go. Time in**
Ring….ring…ring…
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:06am. Ugh Megan!
Groggy Bridget flips open cell phone to see “Megan” typed across screen.
Phone flips shut. Bridget returns to sleep.
Ring…ring…ring…
Exhausted Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:07am. Noooo Laura!
Groggy Bridget flips open cell phone to see “Laura” typed across screen.
Phone flips shut. Bridget returns to sleep.
Beep. Beep.
Exhausted and irritated Bridget rolls over to look at clock. 10:11am. Reoccurring Nightmare.
“One new message from: Laura. ‘Colonial!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
Noooooooooooo! Phone flips shut without replying. Bridget returns to sleep.
Who are these people?
This is Megan and Laura and they believe that if they each alternate calling me in rapid fire then the chance of their call being answered will increase. This is a false notion. They are my close friends from home believe it or not, and I affectionately refer to them as The Jokers. It is useless to refer to them as two separate individuals because that’s just simply not how they function. Megan and Laura have merged into one solid unit of jokerness. For those of you not familiar with this whole concept of being a joker, I will use Megan and Laura to help educate you. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the top 25 ways you know that you are a joker.
You know you’re a joker when…
25)…a canister of Play-Doh brings on fits of laughter.
24)…you believe you are a princess and are therefore entitled to everything you want when you want it.
23)…you can go out to eat four times in one day and still want to go home and eat fudge
22)…you are upset with your friends and decide the best way to resolve the matter is to leave them the following message: We are in a fight. Bye.
21)…you are 21 years old and have no control over your bladder
20)…you are blind without your glasses, but insist that you don’t need them, which nearly causes you to run your bike into the back of a parked car.
19)…seeing someone in a giant Winnie the Pooh costume causes you to turn bright red with excitement and screech “WINNIE THE POOH!”
18)…you wear Ugg boots.
17)…you have to call your best friend up at least once a week to remind her that you are indeed best friends.
16)…you place an open can of beer in your brand new purse because you’re “saving it for later!”
15)…you actually enjoy listening to Ashlee Simpson.
14)…you were surprised and disappointed to find that Lance Bass is gay.
13)…you lack the common sense to know that police officers wouldn’t really call you on your cell phone to say that they know you’re inside someone’s house partying and that they are waiting outside to arrest you.
12)…all of your hair color decisions are based upon the hair color of your joker best friend.
11)…the joke, “Aren’t you two a cute couple,” will never get old to you.
10)…every time you eat a meal you eat to the point where you are so full that eating becomes painful and causes you to make noises such as, “Ugh! Ahhh! Ow! Oh!” as well as make loud long sighs, and then you continue to eat more food.
9)…your accomplishments in your sorority/fraternity are the crowning achievements in your life.
8)…you are deaf to a degree which ensures that everything said during a conversation will have to be repeated for your sake.
7)…you are proud of the POS stereo that occupies your entire trunk and has been broken for several years. You somehow assume that turning it up will drown out the strange noises it emits, therefore causing your backseat passengers to become as deaf as you are.
6)…you self appoint yourself as the minion of your best friend
5)…you attempt to court your best friend’s older brother when drunk.
4)…you show your two other friends how much you value their friendship by inviting them over for a costume party so you can point and laugh at them as they walk in dressed as an oompa loompa and scarecrow, taking pleasure in the horrified look on their face when greeted by your costumeless entourage.
3)…instead of exchanging Christmas presents like normal people you tell your best friend that you’ve developed a new game in which she takes you shopping, you tell her to try to guess what you want (giving her extremely helpful hints) and then when she finally comes to the right decision you send her to the checkout to buy it for you.
2)…you go to Disneyworld and spend as much time as possible in the dingy hotel room which you hate, and that you’ve spent the last month describing as disgusting and low class, making your other two friends (who, unlike you, had to pay for the trip with their own money) feel guilty about not being able to afford something classy enough to please you. Also, while wasting away your time and parent’s money in said hotel room, you decide it would be fun to make the room appear as though a tampon machine exploded in the middle of the room conveniently sending tampons sailing all over the belongings of the only male on the trip.
1)…you actually requested to be the subject of one of Bridget’s blog posts.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Sorry Mom
Mother reading blog = bad news
Blogging about ugly sweater given as gift from mother = "You are getting nothing next year!"
And so...
Dear Enraged Mother,
The sweater is lovely, it really is. That is, until I flip it over. I'm touched that you would go out of your way to obtain such an exquisite article of clothing. The more I think about it the more I realize just how useful this sweater will be. I mean reinforced elbows? That's genius! You know how active I am, and I always find myself burning holes right through those darn sleeves. Now I can take up army crawling again, and never have to worry about my sweater wearing away and leaving my elbows unprotected and subject to nasty rug burns. Thanks mom! And yesterday when I tried to locate a picture of this sweater, I realized just how impossible it is to find. Old Navy doesn't even have it on their website and it's their sweater! You must have traveled far for this Christmas Gem! I had no idea it was such a hot commodity. And finally, compared to the Christmas Gem you gave Aimee last year (bathrobe made for clown), I am very grateful that mine is still wearable in public.
Love,
Bridget
Blogging about ugly sweater given as gift from mother = "You are getting nothing next year!"
And so...
Dear Enraged Mother,
The sweater is lovely, it really is. That is, until I flip it over. I'm touched that you would go out of your way to obtain such an exquisite article of clothing. The more I think about it the more I realize just how useful this sweater will be. I mean reinforced elbows? That's genius! You know how active I am, and I always find myself burning holes right through those darn sleeves. Now I can take up army crawling again, and never have to worry about my sweater wearing away and leaving my elbows unprotected and subject to nasty rug burns. Thanks mom! And yesterday when I tried to locate a picture of this sweater, I realized just how impossible it is to find. Old Navy doesn't even have it on their website and it's their sweater! You must have traveled far for this Christmas Gem! I had no idea it was such a hot commodity. And finally, compared to the Christmas Gem you gave Aimee last year (bathrobe made for clown), I am very grateful that mine is still wearable in public.
Love,
Bridget
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Ugly Christmas Sweater
Confused? Read Previous Post.
And now for a sneak preview of my next post...
"Let's play a game called guess what I want and then buy it for me."~Megan
"Ok!"~Laura
Christmas Meme
I HATE memes. Hate them. However, I LOVE Poppy. Love her. The fact that she was gracious enough to even utter my name in her blog today made me skip around like a kid hopped up on sugar. So I shall appease her and take part in this Christmas meme. And away we go...
Three things I got for Christmas:
1) iPod! The fact that the soundtrack of my life, which is constantly playing in my head, actually comes from an external source is absolutely thrilling. If nothing else, it makes me slightly less insane.
2) Books. I am a literary nerd and received quite a few. If I had to pick one as my favorite, it would probably be Laurie Notaro's An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List. Hilarious.
3) Ugly Christmas Sweater (my mom is going to kill me for this one). It never fails that every year my mother finds some horrid sweater to bestow upon me. It's as though she believes that I am indeed the Ugly Sweater Advocate, born into this world to bring back into fashion that which the rest of the world has forsaken. Last year was what I like to call The Orange Monstrosity, which I put on Christmas morning to humor her, and then never ever wore again. I like to call these Christmas Gems. This year's Christmas Gem was preempted with my mother saying, "Now don't get upset," before I had even attempted to remove any wrapping paper. I held up the sweater and said, "This isn't so bad mom." Then I flipped it around to show the rest of the room and was confronted with a dreadful sight of unwelcome suede patches on each elbow. Seriously mom? *Sweater to be posted separately...won't work in this one :(
Three things I did not want to get:
1) Ugg boots. I detest their presence. Why would a girl wear something deemed "Ugg"?? Are we cavewomen now? Has evolution receded? What's going on? Knock it off.
2) Stephanie Klein's memoir Straight Up & Dirty. No thanks. I got your back Jen Lancaster.
3) A tiny tamarin monkey named Jalapeno to follow me around as a constant source of entertainment. This is a wonderful thought in theory, but I suspect would be much more trouble than it's worth.
I hereby tag:
1) Kenny of Kenny's Online Abode
2) Ogre of Flab to Fab
3) Megan of Timeless Torture
4) Slskenyon of Spark of Madness
5) Cat and Rob (I'm only supposed to pick 5, but I'm tagging you both)
Here are the rules, if you're interested:
1. Players start by listing three things he/she got for Christmas.
2. Then they list three things he/she definitely did not want to get for Christmas.
3. Then he/she tags five friends and lists their names.
4. The ones who get tagged write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, and state the rules clearly.
5. Then tag five more victims. The tagger needs to leave the taggees a comment that says you have been Christmas tagged! and tell them to read the tagger's blog.
Three things I got for Christmas:
1) iPod! The fact that the soundtrack of my life, which is constantly playing in my head, actually comes from an external source is absolutely thrilling. If nothing else, it makes me slightly less insane.
2) Books. I am a literary nerd and received quite a few. If I had to pick one as my favorite, it would probably be Laurie Notaro's An Idiot Girl's Christmas: True Tales from the Top of the Naughty List. Hilarious.
3) Ugly Christmas Sweater (my mom is going to kill me for this one). It never fails that every year my mother finds some horrid sweater to bestow upon me. It's as though she believes that I am indeed the Ugly Sweater Advocate, born into this world to bring back into fashion that which the rest of the world has forsaken. Last year was what I like to call The Orange Monstrosity, which I put on Christmas morning to humor her, and then never ever wore again. I like to call these Christmas Gems. This year's Christmas Gem was preempted with my mother saying, "Now don't get upset," before I had even attempted to remove any wrapping paper. I held up the sweater and said, "This isn't so bad mom." Then I flipped it around to show the rest of the room and was confronted with a dreadful sight of unwelcome suede patches on each elbow. Seriously mom? *Sweater to be posted separately...won't work in this one :(
Three things I did not want to get:
1) Ugg boots. I detest their presence. Why would a girl wear something deemed "Ugg"?? Are we cavewomen now? Has evolution receded? What's going on? Knock it off.
2) Stephanie Klein's memoir Straight Up & Dirty. No thanks. I got your back Jen Lancaster.
3) A tiny tamarin monkey named Jalapeno to follow me around as a constant source of entertainment. This is a wonderful thought in theory, but I suspect would be much more trouble than it's worth.
I hereby tag:
1) Kenny of Kenny's Online Abode
2) Ogre of Flab to Fab
3) Megan of Timeless Torture
4) Slskenyon of Spark of Madness
5) Cat and Rob (I'm only supposed to pick 5, but I'm tagging you both)
Here are the rules, if you're interested:
1. Players start by listing three things he/she got for Christmas.
2. Then they list three things he/she definitely did not want to get for Christmas.
3. Then he/she tags five friends and lists their names.
4. The ones who get tagged write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes, and state the rules clearly.
5. Then tag five more victims. The tagger needs to leave the taggees a comment that says you have been Christmas tagged! and tell them to read the tagger's blog.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Merry Christmas
It's Christmas so I'm going to be nice.
This is rare. Pay attention.
I went to midnight mass tonight. The mass was being offered for my late grandparents, Glen and Dorothy Haskin. As I sat there I couldn't help but think about the many Christmas's in which we all gathered at their house for our annual Christmas brunch. Yesterday I went for a walk and found myself standing in their old front yard. Their house has been knocked down and is in the process of being replaced with a monstrosity of a residence that sticks out like a sore thumb on the block. Something inside me dies every time I see it.
But I can close my eyes and go back.
I can see the blue paint, the concrete porch, the little extra step by dad put in for my grandpa after the cancer robbed him of his vigor, the light post, the narrow driveway I used to shovel, the flower beds that I used to sit and weed for hours and hours lost in my own thoughts, the black chain link fence, the hose I ran over and sliced open with the lawn mower, the stump of the tree my dad and I cut down in the front yard, and then the pit that replaced that stump some years later which I used to twist my ankle in at least once a summer.
I can close my eyes and still hear Bob Seger blare over the radio as I repainted the deck in my last few weeks leading up to my first semester away from home, and I can see the wooden yellow bird atop the post, wings spinning in the wind. I can travel in the house and see the kitchen I spent an entire winter's break remodeling, and the "secret" door which connected my mother's old room to the backroom.
I can close my eyes and it's Christmas time there again. The village is set up. The little tree is lit and in the front window, adorned with the gulf ball shaped Santa that I got my grandpa when he just started his cancer treatment. The card tables, where I used to help my grandma wrap presents just days before, have been cleaned up and set for breakfast. The kitchen table is pressed up against the wall and filled with coffee cakes, bacon, sausage, ham, banana bread, and most importantly my grandma's scrambled eggs. The last memory I have of my grandma is when my mom made me go over there one night and fix her some eggs, sunny side up, because that was the only thing she really had an appetite for anymore. I remember being so terrified I was going to screw them up. I probably did too, but she would have never let on because that's exactly what my grandparents were about. Unconditional love. That's exactly what my Grandma and Grandpa Deutsch are about too. Never were there any two homes I have ever felt more welcome into than my grandparents'. And even though one of those homes is gone now, the memory of those who lived there is still just as alive and inviting. All I have to do is close my eyes.
So why am I telling you all this? Because Christmas is about love and families. Christmas is about God's love for us shown by sending his only son here to Earth to be born in a manger. It's about the Holy Family and how they had to stick together and get through trial after trial to make sure Jesus was brought into this world according to God's plan, and that he was able to survive and thrive in a loving family environment. Christmas is about our families too, striving to be like that of Jesus'.
Not every Christmas is going to be like the one before. In the course of life we must grow up and grow old. Our heroes will pass on, but new ones will be born to take their place. Our families will grow and take on new meanings. There will come a time where we must bend and accept changes and additions, or in some case loses. But Christmas...Christmas itself, will always be about the same thing. A little baby lying in a manger, oblivious of the impact he would have on the world. A husband and wife, cold and weary from an incredible journey huddling over this life they must nuture. A family. A family in the hands of God.
Keep that in mind this Christmas. Thank God for your families. And thank God for his willingness to share his with us.
Merry Christmas.
This is rare. Pay attention.
I went to midnight mass tonight. The mass was being offered for my late grandparents, Glen and Dorothy Haskin. As I sat there I couldn't help but think about the many Christmas's in which we all gathered at their house for our annual Christmas brunch. Yesterday I went for a walk and found myself standing in their old front yard. Their house has been knocked down and is in the process of being replaced with a monstrosity of a residence that sticks out like a sore thumb on the block. Something inside me dies every time I see it.
But I can close my eyes and go back.
I can see the blue paint, the concrete porch, the little extra step by dad put in for my grandpa after the cancer robbed him of his vigor, the light post, the narrow driveway I used to shovel, the flower beds that I used to sit and weed for hours and hours lost in my own thoughts, the black chain link fence, the hose I ran over and sliced open with the lawn mower, the stump of the tree my dad and I cut down in the front yard, and then the pit that replaced that stump some years later which I used to twist my ankle in at least once a summer.
I can close my eyes and still hear Bob Seger blare over the radio as I repainted the deck in my last few weeks leading up to my first semester away from home, and I can see the wooden yellow bird atop the post, wings spinning in the wind. I can travel in the house and see the kitchen I spent an entire winter's break remodeling, and the "secret" door which connected my mother's old room to the backroom.
I can close my eyes and it's Christmas time there again. The village is set up. The little tree is lit and in the front window, adorned with the gulf ball shaped Santa that I got my grandpa when he just started his cancer treatment. The card tables, where I used to help my grandma wrap presents just days before, have been cleaned up and set for breakfast. The kitchen table is pressed up against the wall and filled with coffee cakes, bacon, sausage, ham, banana bread, and most importantly my grandma's scrambled eggs. The last memory I have of my grandma is when my mom made me go over there one night and fix her some eggs, sunny side up, because that was the only thing she really had an appetite for anymore. I remember being so terrified I was going to screw them up. I probably did too, but she would have never let on because that's exactly what my grandparents were about. Unconditional love. That's exactly what my Grandma and Grandpa Deutsch are about too. Never were there any two homes I have ever felt more welcome into than my grandparents'. And even though one of those homes is gone now, the memory of those who lived there is still just as alive and inviting. All I have to do is close my eyes.
So why am I telling you all this? Because Christmas is about love and families. Christmas is about God's love for us shown by sending his only son here to Earth to be born in a manger. It's about the Holy Family and how they had to stick together and get through trial after trial to make sure Jesus was brought into this world according to God's plan, and that he was able to survive and thrive in a loving family environment. Christmas is about our families too, striving to be like that of Jesus'.
Not every Christmas is going to be like the one before. In the course of life we must grow up and grow old. Our heroes will pass on, but new ones will be born to take their place. Our families will grow and take on new meanings. There will come a time where we must bend and accept changes and additions, or in some case loses. But Christmas...Christmas itself, will always be about the same thing. A little baby lying in a manger, oblivious of the impact he would have on the world. A husband and wife, cold and weary from an incredible journey huddling over this life they must nuture. A family. A family in the hands of God.
Keep that in mind this Christmas. Thank God for your families. And thank God for his willingness to share his with us.
Merry Christmas.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Graduation Fun
My sister Meghan graduated from Elgin Community College tonight with an Associates in Art.
Graduation ceremonies are such dreaded events. Generally speaking, they are long, stuffy, boring, and far too serious for my liking. Obviously with these preconceived notions I was not looking forward to Meghan's graduation tonight. I am fully aware that my sister has done a great deal of putting up with me over the last twenty one years so I decided the least I could do was put up with some inadequate speakers and a parading of strangers to see her walk for graduation.
The fun began about two hours before the ceremony when my mother insisted we leave an hour and a half before the ceremony began to ensure we obtained good seats. I calmly explained to her she was a raving lunatic, but in the end I could only convince her to wait and leave an hour before the ceremony. When we arrived into the nearly empty auditorium with 40 minutes to go till the ceremony started all I could do was shake my head, and be grateful I had brought along a book to read.
The first indication I had that this was going to be no normal graduation ceremony came from the large older woman sitting two rows ahead of me. I heard her squeeky voice exclaim excitedly at the arrival of a friend of hers. She got up out of her seat, shook the person's hand, and then plopped back down...to the floor. If you haven't guessed yet, these seats where of the likeness of that which you would find in a movie theater. The ones that flip up when no one is sitting in them. That is a hard concept for some. Upon getting up, her seat returned to its upright position and so when she went to sit down she went straight to the floor. The man behind her (clearly one of her family members) reached over and hoisted her up off the floor.
"I don't know how it happened!" she exclaimed.
"The chairs are spring loaded!" he replied horrified.
"What?! I've never heard of such a thing."
Who needs a book with that kind of entertainment.
Ladies and gentlemen, this was just the beginning. The graduates filed in and the speakers took their seats on the stage. A woman sat in the front lefthand corner of the stage facing the audience. It took me a moment to realize she was there to translate the speeches into sign langauge. Oh that's nice. Sign language is so fascinating, I should really learn. The president of ECC stepped forward to begin the ceremony with an introduction and the sign language lady stood up and began.
I know absolutely no sign lanuage, but I have seen many a sign language translator before, and this display was like nothing I have ever seen. This woman was dancing. Break dancing. The full body heaves her body was going through went along perfectly to the soundtrack I was playing in my head for her. Track 1 was Workin' at the Carwash. And she was working. Her facial expressions were probably the greatest things I've ever seen. They in no way matched the words that were coming out of the actual speakers mouth. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd say she was mocking him. I just kept thinking WHY DIDN'T WE BRING THE VIDEO CAMERA?! It reminded me of a mime who had downed two bottles of NightQuil before attempting a performance. I just cannot believe that the motions she was making matched in anyway to the actual words that were spoken. You know how in the YMCA dance people extend their arms and point while bouncing their arm up and down, moving from one side to the other? She did that. More than once. She also did what I can only describe as picking up an invisible rope and, tying it into a lasso, and tossing it around the large woman two seats in front of me who could not operate her chair. I have no idea what any of the speakers said, but I clearly remember the sign langauge lady cocking an imaginary rifle and firing off two rounds.
My brother and I put forth our best efforts not to laugh outloud, but we had the entire row of chairs shaking from our stiffled laughter. My mother shot us dirty looks for the first few minutes, but she too could not resist outright laughing at the gestures coming from this woman. Eventually I realized that the only way to keep myself from laughing outloud or wetting my pants was to stare down at the ground. I tried. I really did. I just could not stand not knowing what crazy thing she'd do next. I had to watch her. Her whole body swayed back and forth with every movement. The one instance when her gestures actually matched up with the speaker was when I nearly lost it. The commencement speaker was talking about her days as a freshman and how she used to walk through the halls not talking to anyone and staring at her feet. The sign langauge woman stood in place and sped walked looking down at the ground. That's right, speed walking in place, head down. I bet you didn't think that was possible. Oh but it is.
When the sign lanaguage lady began to flash gang signs the soundtrack in my mind switched over to P. Diddy's Shake Ya' Tailfeather. I feel like if someone had taken the time to clear her some space she would have been on the floor doing the worm. No such luck. She did continue to entertain us, however, by leaning back, criss crossing her arms back and forth, and contorting her face as though she were on 8 mile trying to spew out some wicked rhymes. Can you believe this was a free show?
The speeches ended with an awesome send off consisting of the sign language lady putting her hands together and out in front of her like the diver from Mousetrap. Shen then swerved them back and forth as if parting through an invisible crowd. This was quickly followed up with her casting an invisible line and reeling us all in one by one. Fantastic! Bravo!
Did I mention the ceremony ended with large tables full of cookies being wheeled out into the auditorium? That was just icing on the cake. What an awesome night. Way to go ECC, you guys know how to entertain.
Oh yeah, and congratulations Meghan!
Graduation ceremonies are such dreaded events. Generally speaking, they are long, stuffy, boring, and far too serious for my liking. Obviously with these preconceived notions I was not looking forward to Meghan's graduation tonight. I am fully aware that my sister has done a great deal of putting up with me over the last twenty one years so I decided the least I could do was put up with some inadequate speakers and a parading of strangers to see her walk for graduation.
The fun began about two hours before the ceremony when my mother insisted we leave an hour and a half before the ceremony began to ensure we obtained good seats. I calmly explained to her she was a raving lunatic, but in the end I could only convince her to wait and leave an hour before the ceremony. When we arrived into the nearly empty auditorium with 40 minutes to go till the ceremony started all I could do was shake my head, and be grateful I had brought along a book to read.
The first indication I had that this was going to be no normal graduation ceremony came from the large older woman sitting two rows ahead of me. I heard her squeeky voice exclaim excitedly at the arrival of a friend of hers. She got up out of her seat, shook the person's hand, and then plopped back down...to the floor. If you haven't guessed yet, these seats where of the likeness of that which you would find in a movie theater. The ones that flip up when no one is sitting in them. That is a hard concept for some. Upon getting up, her seat returned to its upright position and so when she went to sit down she went straight to the floor. The man behind her (clearly one of her family members) reached over and hoisted her up off the floor.
"I don't know how it happened!" she exclaimed.
"The chairs are spring loaded!" he replied horrified.
"What?! I've never heard of such a thing."
Who needs a book with that kind of entertainment.
Ladies and gentlemen, this was just the beginning. The graduates filed in and the speakers took their seats on the stage. A woman sat in the front lefthand corner of the stage facing the audience. It took me a moment to realize she was there to translate the speeches into sign langauge. Oh that's nice. Sign language is so fascinating, I should really learn. The president of ECC stepped forward to begin the ceremony with an introduction and the sign language lady stood up and began.
I know absolutely no sign lanuage, but I have seen many a sign language translator before, and this display was like nothing I have ever seen. This woman was dancing. Break dancing. The full body heaves her body was going through went along perfectly to the soundtrack I was playing in my head for her. Track 1 was Workin' at the Carwash. And she was working. Her facial expressions were probably the greatest things I've ever seen. They in no way matched the words that were coming out of the actual speakers mouth. In fact, if I didn't know any better, I'd say she was mocking him. I just kept thinking WHY DIDN'T WE BRING THE VIDEO CAMERA?! It reminded me of a mime who had downed two bottles of NightQuil before attempting a performance. I just cannot believe that the motions she was making matched in anyway to the actual words that were spoken. You know how in the YMCA dance people extend their arms and point while bouncing their arm up and down, moving from one side to the other? She did that. More than once. She also did what I can only describe as picking up an invisible rope and, tying it into a lasso, and tossing it around the large woman two seats in front of me who could not operate her chair. I have no idea what any of the speakers said, but I clearly remember the sign langauge lady cocking an imaginary rifle and firing off two rounds.
My brother and I put forth our best efforts not to laugh outloud, but we had the entire row of chairs shaking from our stiffled laughter. My mother shot us dirty looks for the first few minutes, but she too could not resist outright laughing at the gestures coming from this woman. Eventually I realized that the only way to keep myself from laughing outloud or wetting my pants was to stare down at the ground. I tried. I really did. I just could not stand not knowing what crazy thing she'd do next. I had to watch her. Her whole body swayed back and forth with every movement. The one instance when her gestures actually matched up with the speaker was when I nearly lost it. The commencement speaker was talking about her days as a freshman and how she used to walk through the halls not talking to anyone and staring at her feet. The sign langauge woman stood in place and sped walked looking down at the ground. That's right, speed walking in place, head down. I bet you didn't think that was possible. Oh but it is.
When the sign lanaguage lady began to flash gang signs the soundtrack in my mind switched over to P. Diddy's Shake Ya' Tailfeather. I feel like if someone had taken the time to clear her some space she would have been on the floor doing the worm. No such luck. She did continue to entertain us, however, by leaning back, criss crossing her arms back and forth, and contorting her face as though she were on 8 mile trying to spew out some wicked rhymes. Can you believe this was a free show?
The speeches ended with an awesome send off consisting of the sign language lady putting her hands together and out in front of her like the diver from Mousetrap. Shen then swerved them back and forth as if parting through an invisible crowd. This was quickly followed up with her casting an invisible line and reeling us all in one by one. Fantastic! Bravo!
Did I mention the ceremony ended with large tables full of cookies being wheeled out into the auditorium? That was just icing on the cake. What an awesome night. Way to go ECC, you guys know how to entertain.
Oh yeah, and congratulations Meghan!
Sunday, December 17, 2006
SPAM Tribute
Oh you clever spammers! You know just what to say in a subject line to make me yearn to open your junk email...or not.
I find your new tactic of poor grammar especially appealing, but I fear most people won't. Here's a thought, when you're trying to sell something you may not want to come off as a raging idiot before your email is even opened. Subject lines such as "It ready" say to me "I didn't finish middle school." At least hold off on revealing your complete incompetence until the email is opened, and then maybe you can wow me with some product "photos" you sketched in Windows Paint.
I especially love those who SPAM in hoards. I have always found that an overall lack of syntax that comes by the dozen has a much better effect than just receiving one email. It removes any speculation I may have had regarding simple typos, and confirms my fear that some people just have never been introduced to the apostrophe. Last week I had the opportunity to reunite with several old friends I never knew I had. My Inbox was full of emails bearing titles such as, "It Carol," "It Mike," "It Josh," "It Stephanie." Oh Carol! It really you?
So thank you spam "artists" for reminding me daily why it is important for me to stay in school. Good luck with your future endeavors. And no, I'm not at all annoyed with the amount of space you take up in my inbox.
I find your new tactic of poor grammar especially appealing, but I fear most people won't. Here's a thought, when you're trying to sell something you may not want to come off as a raging idiot before your email is even opened. Subject lines such as "It ready" say to me "I didn't finish middle school." At least hold off on revealing your complete incompetence until the email is opened, and then maybe you can wow me with some product "photos" you sketched in Windows Paint.
I especially love those who SPAM in hoards. I have always found that an overall lack of syntax that comes by the dozen has a much better effect than just receiving one email. It removes any speculation I may have had regarding simple typos, and confirms my fear that some people just have never been introduced to the apostrophe. Last week I had the opportunity to reunite with several old friends I never knew I had. My Inbox was full of emails bearing titles such as, "It Carol," "It Mike," "It Josh," "It Stephanie." Oh Carol! It really you?
So thank you spam "artists" for reminding me daily why it is important for me to stay in school. Good luck with your future endeavors. And no, I'm not at all annoyed with the amount of space you take up in my inbox.
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